Gloria Rising pgs. 40-41

AUTOMATIC LETTER 31

Sunday night

Dear Adam,
Gloria is resting while I tell you what’s going on. It’s been one nightmare
after another. Gloria was dreaming of a hotel. She knew it was a hotel
although she had never been there before it was vast, she seemed to run
down endless corridors. People ignored her and talked to each other as she
ran past as though she was not there. She had to find someone, she didn’t
know why, she only knew she had to find this person or – or what? She
didn’t know the urgency or the reason – she turned a corner and was in a
dark narrow passage, blind – she heard breathing somewhere but could see
no one. It got darker and she started to feel her way across the passage –
she fell – it became less dark and she saw a closet door – the door started to
open slightly – she screamed and that was it – she woke up.
To add to this, her inner force refused to leave her alone – it did
nothing she could put her finger on – no outbursts but there was a feeling
of something functioning inside that wasn’t her – something that was
brooding and trying to think things out – it must have had something to
do with me.
I don’t like closets. I haven’t for a long time. I was never locked in
one like some are – but I still hate closet doors. I feel scared, anxious –
very much afraid. Many times Gloria finds that I’m the only one who has
the answers for her – it’s only because I know of things – of experiences
she doesn’t remember – of incidents that happened. It’s also because I’m
determined to take care of her. She is learning to have faith in relying on
me – it’s all thanks to you. We follow your suggestions, we don’t open the
front door, we lock our windows, and no looking through the peephole or
outside when we hear the noise this way we are protected.
All this has nothing to do with the feeling of doom – I feel right now.
Please why doesn’t somebody come – why doesn’t anyone stop this – a terrible
thought – is he going to kill me – I’m so cold – the most frightening part – he hasn’t said a word yet. I know deep inside he hates me. I sense
he’d enjoy killing anyone – and I have to get out of here.
I’m tired, exhausted, I’m leaving now.

Gloria’s Helper