All posts by Linden Morningstar

About Linden Morningstar

Linden Morningstar, author of Gloria Rising, has had extensive experience as a hypnotherapist and licensed marriage and family therapist, which adds depth and realism to his story. He is also the author of The Starlight Prophecy, a science fiction and fantasy novel about alien worlds and super heroines. He writes to explore the mysteries of life and the mysterious connections between the mind, universe, and the mystical. He lives with his cherished wife and four cantankerous, high-maintenance, and lovable cats in southern California.

Gloria Rising: The Criminal

Pgs. 15-17

AUTOMATIC LETTER 10
Saturday night

Hi again,

I feel a little numb, as I begin this chat with you – it’s like drifting
through darkness. Often, these talks start out like this and then I remember
that if I’m going to help you to help Gloria, I must try to tell you the
incidents that Gloria would have trouble talking about, the happenings
that she has forgotten. When I do this, there are times when a memory
traps me. It’s like when you cross a street and a car comes around the corner
out of control; you try to jump out of the way; no chance, it’s too late. In
this way a memory can trap you.
The numbness has worn off. Suddenly, I’m very uneasy. I have to
tell you something. It’s something else you should know. The term “thecriminal” was real and personal to someone. This is not what I want to say.
I’ll start again.
What can I tell you about Gloria that would be of interest to anyone?
Nothing! I’ll be filling up some pages having to do with nothing. It was a
mistake to talk about all the other things that happened. I don’t want to
think of these incidents or touch them with a mind. If you don’t choose to
believe something you can blank it out, separate yourself from it. Even if
it is the truth, even if it came after you in the dark and held you down, you
can separate yourself from it.
Yet always there’s this great black lake of time that has to be crossed.
Even if you knew it was hopeless, what else could you do? You had to keep
swimming; you could not drown either. “The child,” I’ve talked to you
about knew this feeling of despair.
I see the Criminal. He is ten years old and he does not cry. He has
learned that lesson well. “Are you crying? I told you never to do that!” The
blow that knocks him across the room the pain inside his head – he has bitten
his tongue – the blood – he’s starting to cry. “Now, I’m going to teach
you a lesson you won’t forget. I’m going to beat you until you stop crying.
Then I’m going to teach you to tell the truth – the truth is you slipped
and fell down the stairs – do you hear me – you slipped – that’s the truth. I
didn’t throw you down –you slipped – say it after me – I slipped – say it –
say it. Don’t you dare cry! You’re a criminal – you know what they do to
criminals, they burn them with a capital letter C, then they send them
away alone – don’t ask questions – are you crying again. I’ll teach you not
to cry – come over here – you know what happens if I have to come and
get you.”
I see someone thrown down the stairs – a bottle broken in half – a
clenched fist – punching – kicks – biting – pinching. I see someone tied to a
bed – can’t breathe can’t think well – no help for it, none is available. Didn’t
matter what you said or did, either it was coming or it was not. There’s
things you should forget about or pretend it never happened. Don’t believe
what I just said. I believe instead, that whatever happens it’s not worth the
pain of keeping it a secret, you have to decide who wants to hurt you andwho wants to help and it’s important to learn this right or a lot of mistakes
will be made.
I’ve tried to relax yet my nerves are at the mercy of sounds – footsteps –
a door being slammed – waiting, staring down at his plate and knowing
that being ignored meant being in danger, it meant you were in this person’s
thoughts. “You’re going to get it, do you know why?” He never knew,
he knew that pulling himself inward, staying calm didn’t help, nothing did.
“Oh, if you would just try to be good. Why do you break the rules?”
Say nothing. It doesn’t matter what is said. “Ye, shall know the truth, and
the truth shall make you free.” Well it didn’t make the ten year old free.
He knew the truth all right but didn’t feel free, not with something tight
around the neck, don’t go too fast or too far – you just don’t do it – that’s all.
To be alive was to be in danger – all the time. And you don’t talk about
that. You just go along thinking things will get better. One day you think
this is the way things are.
Tired out – thank you for listening

The Helper

NOTE:
I am a professional therapist and battle-hardened war veteran, yet my eyes
shimmered wet as I sat reading the Helper’s letter. It was the first time, but
not the last, that I would shed tears over the child’s pain.

THE LEGENDARY MISSING LINK

Chapter 7 pgs. 42-43

LYN THOUGHT, PEACE ON EARTH. She believed that one day all women and men would sit under the same roof and share food, drink, and life as equals. They had raised their glasses to celebrate that momentous day. Lyn said, “Let us drink in honor of women, past and present, who triumphed over oppression and know the joy that freedom brings. Let their courage show 21st century women the way to a bold new world.”

Afterwards, Jill raised her glass: “To Max.” Lyn’s eyes misted over, thinking of times lost and times that would never be.

Later Lyn lay curled like a calico kitten on her lumpy sofa, feeling the comfort of her small bungalow hidden between Malibu’s seashore mansions. The sound of waves lapping the shoreline and an occasional cry of a gull soothed her heart and soul as she thumbed through articles about Max’s life and Earth-shattering discovery. God, I miss you, she thought, as she spotted a major science journal with a picture of Max on its cover. The caption read:

 

Person of the Year

Ethiopian Paleoanthropologist Solves Mystery of Human Origins

 

She stared at its cover. Max was smiling, despite the ravages of his illness. Desta, Azmera, Kidira, and Sabir were huddled around him, bravely smiling while moments earlier they had fought back tears. She was grateful her love comforted Max during his last days and proud that Desta found fossil evidence for the creation of human life.

Max had described the find as beyond astounding, because it was a small family of bipedal creatures from the late Miocene epoch; and preliminary radiometric dating suggested eight to ten million years old. The skeletons revealed the parents were not apes, yet their divergent offspring had unique characteristics of chimpanzees, apes, and humans. The evolutionary family mosaic suggested they were the “Last Common Ancestor” between primates and humans—the legendary missing link.

Max believed Desta’s discovery would rival those that launched previous scientific revolutions that defined our humanity, even greater than splitting the atom or harnessing the power of antimatter energy.

However, what he secretly told her was more fantastic. “Lyn, this was the “Aha!” moment when Desta found another astonishing skeleton. Remarkably, it appeared utterly human but existed before humans walked the Earth. Clutched in its hand a small sphere attached to an elaborate gold necklace. The sphere was not like any material on Earth.

“Remember when I told you our origins might lie in the stars? Well, I think we found the answer in the Afar desert. I think our family tree originated from the mysterious being. I put a security bubble around its unearthing until we have some answers.” Max’s revelation left Lyn breathless. His words ignited her imagination.

She regained her composure. “What’s next?”

“I arranged for Desta and Azmera to continue research on the remains of the unidentified being and object. I named the project ICE— Intelligent Cellular Earth-life.

Lyn grabbed Max. “You’re a damn genius.”

Max blushed. “More important to me is the love we have shared.

C’est la vie, mon chéri.”

Shortly before his death Max confided, “I was wrong—it’s not just about a transitional fossil, it’s about DNA, the stuff of stars, and the basis of its creation. I think the skeleton holds answers that go beyond Earth.

Lyn smiled at how Max secret life has lived beyond his death. How the past year had been one of anguish and triumph. She only wished Max were here to share in the fulfillment of his dream.

The loneliness she felt seemed intolerable until she remembered Max’s last words. “Lyn, I love you and love is stronger than death. Seek your dreams; the world needs you.”

Bittersweet memories . . . she cherished them as soul-cleansing sobs of joy and sadness shook her. Lyn pressed his picture to her heart thinking of what might have been.

Max’s death was wake-up call. She remembered what he had said, holding her in the North Tower in Geneva. “You know, Lyn, life is too short not to enjoy.” Hot tears spilled down her cheeks. She wished she had known how short.

ALIEN SOS CALL

Chapter 8 pg. 44-45

BY GRAND DESIGN, the Stargirls were kept entirely in the dark as to their destiny. How an extraterrestrial prepared them, from birth, to journey beyond the Milky Way galaxy to answer an alien SOS call.

The telepathic force guided them in big dreams. One such dream forewarned, “You will face the good and bad in yourselves. Only then shall you embrace your destiny.”

Subconsciously, they knew that humans are not alone and had accepted Earth’s microscopic place in the cosmos as well as an alien prophecy’s call to arms; yet they were consciously oblivious to it and to how it would complicate their lives. The only hint of celestial influence was their burgeoning psychic abilities—obsession with the forces of nature—and haunting childhood dreams.

Lyn had emerged like a cosmic lightning bolt. Her electric powder blue eyes and spirited smile embraced life to explore the universe.

Strawberry-gold hair streamed down her shapely hips. She wore flowers in her hair, love beads, and a silver peace symbol. She preferred a natural look like a 60s hippie—willing to die for freedom.

She was a mathematics prodigy at 11 and graduated with a Ph.D. in astrobiology from UC Berkeley. Her specialty was exploring Earth-like planets. Now at 25, she had to accept Max’s death and start all over. She felt lost without him. Sitting at her buttermilk kitchen table drinking coffee, she worried what life.

Ali was jabbering about dolphins she saw on their beach walk while Lyn’s thoughts turned to Desta. She knew Desta’s breakthrough would face opposition in a world obsessed with Earth being the center of the universe. She grumbled how people trapped in Earth-centric beliefs would be the death of us all. She muttered, “Peace on Earth.”

Jill eyed Lyn with interest. “Your dream of peace on Earth should be the world’s mantra and battle cry.”

“Thanks,” she paused. “We are at the mercy of powers beyond us.”

Ali perked up and smiled. “I know how you feel. World dominance and conflicting ideologies are a dangerous stage in our evolution. What can I say? Homo sapiens have a fatal learning disability or errant DNA for mass murder and extinction. The world’s cycle of violence speaks volumes about our evolutionary pettiness. Nevertheless, life at its best is a healing journey to find ourselves—find our truth. The road to peace starts here.”

“Ali, you amaze me; I love you.”

“Sister, love is our bond and the Earth’s only hope.”

Mad sat on the fringe of their conversation, giggling over how Lyn flipped a coin to settle their disputes about the nature of reality. She would say, “Heads, its relativity—tails, it’s quantum mechanics; if the coin lands on its side, we are God’s Pinocchio dancing to superstrings.” Mad loved her analogy for the physics’ thorny questions, because it made them laugh at themselves.

Mad glanced up. “Hey, Pinocchio, lighten up, or your nose is going to grow and grow.”Lyn’s eyes brightened as she smiled thoughtfully. “Thanks.”

 

The Guardian Reveals A Shocking Truth

“I believe I have said this before, but it’s worth repeating. The patient’s resources stop where the therapist’s beliefs stop. It is critical that the therapist have an open mind and complete faith in the patient’s deeper resources. The most formidable and potent resources must be approached with respect, taken seriously and accepted on faith. Understand the information and knowledge shared with the therapist is entirely dependent on his or her level of development, their ability to properly use what is communicated for the patient’s or therapist’s benefit and welfare, and the level of trust and belief the resource has in the therapist. The success of their bond and their mission is founded on mutual trust, respect, and faith in each other’s abilities and potentials. Remember this!”

The Guardian

The Guardian Speaks

“My role is to bring you knowledge so you have the assurance and confidence you need for the work ahead of you to help Gloria reach her full potential as a human being. My job is enjoyable, a work of love and pleasure. To see two human beings become as greatly as they can be is certainly not a duty. I stand for faith, hope, charity, and love—the good things in life. You could call me a good influence. I create love and blessings.

Gloria and Gloria’s Helper are to help themselves, first of all. If they did not want to help themselves, I couldn’t help at all. What they or you get confused about, or threatens you or them, then I am able to step in by feelings of love, nature and blessings to enable you back to an optimistic nature. Instead of your being pessimistic, I help you see the truth, the reality of things, not pessimism. I have to leave you in comfort and encouraged—couldn’t leave you depressed and discouraged, then I would fail. You see the whole thing has been an optimistic act. So what we have done is an act of procreation and love. We all stuck together so Gloria didn’t commit suicide. There was always someone to pick us up. That’s how we work together as ONE.

If Gloria had enough energy left in her body, I could transmit directly to her rather than going between you and Gloria’s Helper; but she’s not ready for that anyway. She would misunderstand and think she was hearing voices or think I was another personality. This morning I am able to take energy, but not full energy. I couldn’t do that. I am allowed just so much energy;  I couldn’t take over her personality. This comes from her soul, like when you peel an onion and get different layers. The soul is the same way. You can get to different parts of the soul and this is where I come in. I couldn’t take over her personality; she was born free with free choices. This is where multiple personality goes wrong—tries to change person’s thoughts and personality. Hypnosis allows me to have access to the core of her ‘spirit.’ I mean that’s one part, might make it clearer. I get very excited when I can make someone open minded about things. Not in a glorified way. It’s my job; I took it on because I wanted to. I didn’t have to. I didn’t know if it would work, or not, but now I know it will and I am very excited about it. I hesitate to use the word ‘spirit’ because it’s part of herself. It’s not really a ‘spirit’ but herself as a whole, and it’s herself uniting herself with all the parts of the system. People would not understand the word ‘spirit’ where this is concerned. Be assured I won’t lead you wrong or astray; you will in time come to understand fully. It may be better for you not to get too curious about me for your own peace of mind. It may put doubts into your mind. Main ingredient of our work is faith. No doubts our work can progress. Every human being has guides and a guardian angel, but not like me. I am another part of Gloria who she opened her mind to. I took a lot of Gloria’s energy this morning—feel a little guilty about that. Guess she didn’t eat breakfast before she came down here.”

The Guardian

MANUSCRIPT POSTSCRIPT GLORIA RISING

Gloria Rising pp. xii-xiv

I struggled to keep my writing hand steady. It trembled as if detached from my body. I frantically scribbled down this note after finishing Gloria’s manuscript out of fear of a terrifying premonition that I would not awaken to see the dawn. This whole experience has been as if I had awoken from a nightmare, but it wasn’t my nightmare—it was real—too real to have imagined, let alone lived through and survived. I am Dr. Adam Jaxon, and if by chance you are reading this, I am already dead. I was a renowned and distinguished hypnotherapist and treated thousands of people in my lifetime, but Gloria B’s electrifying hypnotherapy captivated and stunned me. Unfortunately, I was reluctant to share her terrifying and heart-wrenching story for fear no one would believe the otherworldly powers that literally came to guide and help me heal her. I feared my old associates would think I had gone senile or worse mad. Now I feel ashamed for being such a coward, for allowing myself to be controlled by the homogenized expectations of my profession and being paralyzed by irrational fears that I would be scorned and rejected, if I spoke my mind. I now feel shame and guilt that my arrogance and fear got the best of me and nearly bankrupted my morals and destroyed me. After all Gloria and I had been through, I could not live with the thought that, in the end, I had betrayed her trust and let her down. But thanks to her endearing memory and loving spirit, I came to my senses while gazing at my image in a mirror. I flew into a rage and smashed the pathetic image with my wine glass into a million pieces; blood trickled down my wrist, but I didn’t care. I shouted, “To hell with my ego and reputation,” over and over again, until my voice grew too hoarse to scream anymore. I yielded to my guilty conscience to write her story that I had promised her. Besides, my health was failing, and Gloria’s story was too momentous and meaningful to be forgotten and buried in my cold grave. So, I feverishly wrote over the past year, and finally finished the manuscript this very night—just days before my 100th birthday. But alas, this morning, I sensed a chilling premonition that I would not be here to celebrate it. So, I left the precious manuscript, and this postscript, on my oak writing desk with a poignant note and scrupulous instructions for its publication, for my daughter to find. It would be my last fond gesture and chance to share my lifeworks with her, albeit, beyond the grave. I know if I died tonight, I would die a happy man at peace with myself knowing Gloria’s story would finally be told—a mysterious and astonishing story that defies the timeworn precepts of modern psychology and psychiatry—where insanity, genius, the metaphysical, and the mystery of life come together to beguile and confound our contemporary understanding of the mind and its limitless powers to heal.

Dr. Adam Jaxon

THE STARGIRLS BECOME STAR WARRIOR MYSTICS

Chapter 40 pp. 238-242

THE STARGIRLS’ BODIES SLICED through thin air and a flag of thick white clouds in an extreme freefall, high above the Himalayan Mountain’s northern ice-rock face that rushed toward them. They felt a mixture of fear and exhilaration, plummeting past the mountain’s zenith and the summit ridge, as a pyramid of vast snowfields flashed past them. The clouds suddenly parted, revealing a magnificent view of the Tibetan plateau below that kissed the golden horizon.

Like bird-women, they rode the tumultuous mountain winds, soaring along its breathtaking northeast ridge and legendary death zone, where mountaineers triumphed on the summit . . . or met their fates buried in ice. Gracefully, they sailed as condors over its icy rim and vertical walls, toward the base of Jomolungma, mother goddess of the world—Mount Everest.

Sparkling blue glaciers and the Rongbuk monastery, the sacred threshold to Everest, came in view. The ancient monastery, a Tibetan power spot, was an unforgettable image that flashed through their minds when Mala declared, “Stargirls, you are ready to embrace the Way of the Stars as Star Warrior Mystics and receive your gifts and Star Initiation.” Mala’s riveting words evoked the inspirational image that symbolized their intrepid spirits and the quest awaiting them . . .

* * *

Mala was patiently tapping the Star chart to secure their attention. A crimson blush painted all their faces, faces that seemed to orbit the Star chart like planets. Mala smiled at their awkwardness, remembering her own disquiet when faced with the power and mysteries of the stars.

“I am thrilled by your commitment to step into the unknown without all the answers. Your faith in yourselves will serve you well as you travel uncharted dimensions of time and space and experience the staggering implication of your earthly E = mc².”

Mala lifted the celestial bowl from the jagged Star chart and held it close to her heart. “The ancients understood your fears even before you were born, and they sent this gift to aid your transformation to Star Warrior Mystics.”

THE STARGIRLS’ BODIES SLICED through thin air and a flag of thick white clouds in an extreme freefall, high above the Himalayan Mountain’s northern ice-rock face that rushed toward them. They felt a mixture of fear and exhilaration, plummeting past the mountain’s zenith and the summit ridge, as a pyramid of vast snowfields flashed past them. The clouds suddenly parted, revealing a magnificent view of the Tibetan plateau below that kissed the golden horizon.

Like bird-women, they rode the tumultuous mountain winds, soaring along its breathtaking northeast ridge and legendary death zone, where mountaineers triumphed on the summit . . . or met their fates buried in ice. Gracefully, they sailed as condors over its icy rim and vertical walls, toward the base of Jomolungma, mother goddess of the world—Mount Everest.

Sparkling blue glaciers and the Rongbuk monastery, the sacred threshold to Everest, came in view. The ancient monastery, a Tibetan power spot, was an unforgettable image that flashed through their minds when Mala declared, “Stargirls, you are ready to embrace the Way of the Stars as Star Warrior Mystics and receive your gifts and Star Initiation.” Mala’s riveting words evoked the inspirational image that symbolized their intrepid spirits and the quest awaiting them . . .

* * *

Mala was patiently tapping the Star chart to secure their attention. A crimson blush painted all their faces, faces that seemed to orbit the Star chart like planets. Mala smiled at their awkwardness, remembering her own disquiet when faced with the power and mysteries of the stars.

“I am thrilled by your commitment to step into the unknown without all the answers. Your faith in yourselves will serve you well as you travel uncharted dimensions of time and space and experience the staggering implication of your earthly E = mc².”

Mala lifted the celestial bowl from the jagged Star chart and held it close to her heart. “The ancients understood your fears even before you were born, and they sent this gift to aid your transformation to Star Warrior Mystics.”

Mad, in deference to Mala, promptly followed Jill’s gutsy example. Mad let out a deep sigh of relief after the Giver joined her body without incident.

Oddly, after the emotional and physical bonding with the Givers, Sade’s mind slipped far away to Earth. She wondered what they were about to experience, what their initiation as Star Warrior Mystics really meant. She was thinking about incredible free-dive records humans had reached as they dove to dangerous depths, with only their breath to bring them back to the surface alive. Now she thought of what depths she might plumb unhindered by the ocean’s crushing pressure or need for oxygen. The possibilities made her lightheaded. It all seemed like a dream—until Mala called to her.

“Sade . . . Sade, please come, it is time to meet your destiny.” Sade had not noticed the Stargirls standing around the archaic stone monolith, waiting for her to join them. The critical moment was upon them. Sade trembled, approaching the Star Wheel . . . trembled at the power it would make flesh. She felt the energy of yin yang—the cold stone’s yin energy and hot yang energy of the Golden Star. She felt the power of the universe pulsating before her, a power she desired, yet feared, knowing they would wield powers that no human could foresee. Power, she feared, her human weakness might corrupt.

Mala discerned Sade’s fear, thinking fear a good antidote for impulsiveness and said, “Stargirls, fear not—your Star power will see you through dark moments, a power meant to inspire you to your utmost potential. Your Starlight Initiation will unite the fiery power of the Golden Star with the arctic energy of the Sacred Stone.

“Your bodies and minds are the medium for their cosmic fusion that will generate your Star power, creating a perfect union of cosmic forces.” Her heartening words comforted the Stargirls who were ready to consummate their initiation. They carefully stepped ‘round the mysterious stone and touched its frigid surface. At the stone’s heart, a carved Star caught their eye, encircled by ten expanding rings that symbolized the elemental dimensions of space-time. On its outer edge, five symbols stood out in bas-relief. Mala called them star-points, each one connected to the inner Star by lightning bolts that formed a star-shaped pentagram. The ancient stone’s cosmic gestalt formed a Star Mandala—symbolic of the universe.

Mala instructed the Stargirls to climb onto the Star Wheel at their preordained star-point. She then aligned their bodies, so their heads touched at the stone’s heart, and placed their feet so they rested on their star-points that symbolized their individual Star power. They gazed up into the fiery Golden Star that hovered above them; the freezing stone numbed their bodies.

“Focus your minds on the Star!” She circled the icy stone, placed her left hand on each of their hearts, and said, “See you—in your next glorious life.”

When she finished, the Golden Star transformed into five Light Arrows that shot through their hearts; their bodies arched and convulsed. The Stargirls’ hearts absorbed the formidable power of the Light Arrows that triggered a cosmic chain reaction, the nuclear fusion of a supernova, which exploded inside their bodies.

Starlight radiated from their bodies and filled the chamber. The female principle of Creation—the Big Bang—flooded their hearts and minds. The last thing they recalled was searing white light from a vast cloud of dust and gases, as a brilliant star emerged and consumed their bodies.

A cosmic fire had swept through them that resurrected them on the ancient Star Wheel, creating micro-stars that burned inside their hearts, giving them superhuman powers and eternal life. Once their Star conversion was complete, they lay, comatose, on the frozen stone.

Awakening, they felt weird and wonderful powers stir within them, powers that no longer alarmed them. What they felt was beyond words when they experienced an epiphany; they realized they were the genetic offspring of the Star people. They were children of the stars, created from love to protect the Earth from evil. In that magnificent moment, the Stargirls comprehended their Starlight destiny as Intergalactic Angels and Guardians of Earth.

The Stargirls lay breathless on the Star stone, while Mala chanted in a bewitching tongue, striking by its rapid rhythmic grunts, obscure syllables, and unintelligible utterances that created an aria that mesmerized them.

Mala’s remarkable chants vibrated deep in their hearts, awakening the highest vibration of being—Love.

Mala said, “Now you understand your sacrifice and are ready to receive your sacred names that embody your Star power.” She stepped around the stone, placing her right hand on each of their foreheads and said, “You are all Star Warrior Mystics.”

“Lyn, Starlight, the flesh of Spirit; Sade, Starwave, the flesh of Water; Jill, Starblaze, the flesh of Fire; Ali, Starquake, the flesh of Earth; Mad, Starbreeze, the flesh of Air.” Once she finished, they rose from the stone and hugged each other, then turned and gaped at Mala.

“You are immortal, yet human and vulnerable. You will face the age- old dilemmas of Earthly desires and attachments. Beware of those who claim you goddesses. This you must forsake. There are forces in the universe that will try to control you. Evil will try to divide and conquer you through treachery and despair. Although you are invincible, the Starlight Prophecy warns of forces that conspire to enslave you.

“You must wield your powers for noble purposes, inspiring peace, equality, and justice for all. You must define yourselves by your actions. You have the power; you can completely change the Earth. Your vision must be bold; offer them the supreme dream of what is possible.

“One last thing—your expedition’s discovery in the Afar Triangle came from the planet you call Mars, a planet our people colonized and later abandoned when life was no longer sustainable. A small satellite of Star people reached Earth but wiped out by a super volcano eruption over 20 million years ago. Aggressive creatures forced the survivors to interbreed. This genetic mixture gave birth to a new hominid family.

“Millions of years of interbreeding led to sexual preferences that created a genetic divergence and the evolution of gorillas, chimpanzees, and humans. When you return to Earth, you must tell Desta and Azmera about the origin of your species, and that the extraordinary skeleton found in the Afar is a Star Warrior Mystic. But tell them your world is not ready for the truth until sometime in the future when they are better prepared. Your Star power, for good or evil, is your responsibility.

“Remember, Earth’s physicists faced a similar dilemma when they split the atom and discovered the wonder of its power. Produced in the labs of the Manhattan Project, however, it forged into an appalling reality by the horrors of Hiroshima and Nagasaki that killed over a quarter of a million of innocent humans—ending your Second World War. It was a bittersweet legacy the fathers of ‘Little Boy’ and ‘Fat Man’ died knowing. Stargirls, this is your second challenge, to wield your Star power wisely.”

 

DEATH – NO DEATH

AUTOMATIC LETTER 71, pp 98-100

Saturday night

Dear Adam,
When I awoke tonight, I thought I might have had a nightmare I felt
tired, achy, and cranky as though I had not had a good night’s sleep – now
I remember Gloria had the bad dream; I do not sleep ever – I’m watching
the “Other”, he can’t see me, but I can see him, he’s winging the ax up and
down through the air – I do wish he would put it down. I’m only six years
old and he is pretty scary. He has killed already you know; he even severed a hand at the wrist, I saw it lying there downstairs it was not a very nice
sight – nor was all of that blood – and he who once was like a grandfather
to me is now a bad stranger – why I was the only one allowed to use the
short cut between our homes and his wife (Gloria’s sister) would call me in
to have strudel a very special pastry that little girls like me love.
Here as I talk about pastry with Grandpa Butcher out there – he’s
stabbed too. I’m screaming but only in my mind – thoughts reach in but
not soothing thoughts – I do not know this person anymore – I have never
known him. His mouth is a cruel slash, his nostrils flare, his eyes are too
bright like glass and he’s waiting to kill me his little friend.
Trembling, I think this is a dream – all is well and those downstairs
safe – I am safe – no fear – no hurt – no danger – no killing – no blood – no
DEATH – NO DEATH – but it is not a dream they’re under the thick layer
that is woven together. I know there is death – but not mine – not yet. I
won’t be taken by surprise but how will I fight a giant of a man.
I’m just a little power but I won’t die like a dog, no way. I’ll not let
someone put me away that quick. Somehow, I’m going to LIVE. I have a
lot of dreams to make come true and I won’t die – I won’t! Oh! Oh! Oh!
A mouth and eyes the mouth is wrapped around a terrible scream and the
eyes are screaming too – a child screams the child is all eyes and mouth. I
can’t see who she is this little girl so terrified. I cannot see who, but I feel
her fear – I must see!
I become the future – I still hear the scream and I feel the scare the
fear is so dark. I cannot see her but somehow, I know that little child is
little Gloria – the screams go on and on. It ends with a fall – the impact of
the ground the darkness the hurt. I shiver, I’m so cold – I’ll never be warm
again. I’m so cold it’s not over – this is not a story or a movie it’s for real –
screams float in the air – a child falls outside – you bad, bad man. I’m so
cold – a horrible thing to know at six years old that you’re a little coward and
despair and shame fill me – it’s hard to hold back the tears and be still when
your heart is breaking.
I saw him coming only because I was there at the window – you can’t
see people coming from any other part of the house because of the trees and the bend in the driveway. I saw him and did nothing – I saw what he
did and I went back into hiding. I scream inside its icy cold, and I can’t stop
my cowardly shivering. I am so scared my eyes are crying with no tears –
I saw them there downstairs – blood – agony and all I did was go back
upstairs.
I hear the click of a doorknob and from the sound someone has entered
downstairs it’s got to be him – I don’t see him at the tree stump there’s a
child on the ground where he was – no hands bloody – hide the scream
quickly – I’m so cold – don’t move – don’t shiver – don’t make a sound and
live – live – but again, I’ll know if I live that I was a cowardly little girl like
the cowardly lion in Oz – be still – be still not a sound. I’m so cold shudders down my spine – drops of water run down my back and I’m freezing –
someone is coming up – heavy footsteps – my heart beats so fast – I’m so
icy cold.

Gloria’s Helper

Gloria’s Worst Fear

AUTOMATIC LETTER 73
Wednesday night

Dear Adam,

It was just tonight after a bad dream that I realized that I’ve never put
into words in a letter to you, one of the worst fears that a childlike Gloria
had. This was the fear of going insane and getting locked up for life.
As often as she was able to, she would ask if anyone of the family – the old
people had ever lost their mind, and no one ever questioned why a child should
inquire about this but she always told that no one had. Sometimes when fear
takes over the safety valves of the mind fails to operate and all kinds of things
happen when your mind tries to cope with big problems – things like nervous tics begin (like Gloria if she tried to lie to the “Other’ her left eye would
twitch) or a person can’t concentrate. Her grades began to go down at school
and she got scared and desperate when she’d get 95% instead of a 100%.
Trying to find a safe frequent change of shelter each night was a potential source of danger for a child, which exposed her to all sorts of danger.
Like the day when the “Other” asked Gloria, “Have you ever seen a live animal skinned? No, well tonight you are going to see one, but you won’t like it.”
Early that night, she was adrift again, facing more and more closed
doors – the barn door was closed – people weren’t home, she left for the
cemetery but her movement roused a dog to fierce barking followed
soon by others in the distance alerting people to an intruder and an old                                man came out to see at the cemetery – for lack of a better alternative she
returned back. She became desperate in her mind, and she feared that she
a little girl would break down, go crazy, and be sent to a mental institution.                              As her strange feelings got worse, she’d ask herself, “How long can
you stand this? What does it take to drive a person crazy?” She had never
known anyone who had a nervous breakdown, so she went to the library
one day and looked up the symptoms.
She found descriptions that fitted her so perfectly that she was more afraid
than ever – depression, crying for no reason, (like when she’d hide) anxiety,
nervousness, being afraid of people. She pictured herself locked up with bars
on the window and thought, “I’d rather be dead.” Then she’d feel so low that
death seemed like a way to get peace. An idea would tell her, “If you kill yourself,                     it will be all over. You wouldn’t have to live like this day after day.” So
she’d shut herself off in the forest and write down or say, “Gloria you’ve got so
much to live for,” and she’d make long lists of why she shouldn’t die. She did
this for months when she’d find a temporary shelter like a haystack or treetop.
I’m telling you this because she has started doing the same thing now
wondering if she’s losing her mind. Gloria needs your strength to reassure
her that she isn’t – I won’t let her mind go and you won’t let her either will
you??? You are our lifeline. You’ll pull us back if we get stuck, won’t you?
I’ll await any instructions you may have to give me, okay?
But on no account let us lose our sanity – we’re intelligent enough to
follow instructions so it needn’t happen that we’d have a mental breakdown                      help us please we’re afraid.

Gloria’s Helper

AX NIGHTMARE

AUTOMATIC LETTER 72
Tuesday night

Dear Adam,
My little friend Gloria is in a trance – every so often a little shiver hit
her – but tonight hunger will not keep her awake. Adam you are the dearest, sensitive, kindness person we have ever known. You literally saved our
life.
You know what God says in the Bible, “When you give bread to the
hungry person, you give bread to Me.” Well tonight you gave a feast to a
person and to God as well. Also you gave a little girl proof that she is worth
something – no one would do what you did for someone not worth anything – more, you did it in a beautiful way as if it was a normal thing that
a son would do for a mother he loved and Gloria and I were touched very
deeply. We shall never forget it – last we will never forget what the words
“friend” and “love” mean. God bless you and loves you dearly as we do.

Now, for the dream Gloria had. She’s still in the ax nightmare. Right
now I see her a little girl hiding. She remembers asking her sister once
what dying meant – it was like going to sleep and never waking up and
she had realized that if you never wake up you might never be able to stop
dreaming and she didn’t want to die and always dream of the nightmares
she had seen downstairs.
She’s there behind the screen and she can’t move and it’s getting dark –
a darkness you can still hear through – the door is opening and she’s not
even hardly breathing – she’s thinking “you don’t know where I am but I
know where you are” – and then she hears someone say, “Dear God, I just
had to get away for a few minutes in all my years as a cop I’ve never imagined anything like what I just saw,” and another voice answers, “I know, I
let myself out to throw up,” and “that little girl out there let’s not talk about
it,” and she thinks “what little girl out there” I’m here – then realizes that
some screams she had heard later and the little body near where the man
had hid was another child killed. He thought he’d killed Gloria but it was
another child coming back from school – and she realized that she was the
cause of the child getting killed because she had said nothing again – it
shocked and shamed her – too many people killed because of me and my
cowardice – you cannot close a mind to it – then she came back to hear the
person say, “Thank God, no one’s here,” and her little voice said, “I’m here,”
one asked, “Did you hear that?” and the other said, “I sure did.” “Where
are you little girl” and the little girl asked, “You first, who are you?” He
answered, “I’m a policeman and so is my friend, come out of wherever you
are,” and the little girl said, “Lift up your hat so I can see,” and she thought
the man said, “Damn,” but two police caps were lifted up, and she came out
but when one went to pick her up she held back and he said, “Oh, come on
little sweetheart, I have a little girl like you and you need a father’s shoulder
to cry on right now.” But she couldn’t let him because she had wet herself
when she got so scared and she felt ashamed and didn’t want him to know.
The policeman said, “Oh, hell the poor kid must have heard the uproar and
is scared to death,” and he asked, “Did you hear?” she answered, “I heard
and saw,” and after that the little girl wouldn’t talk for a month.

She was sent to live with a relative to make her forget but she never
forgot, nor did her heart ever let her forget that one lady she gave water to
downstairs who said, “Bless you child, I’m dying, get away from here fast,”
but maybe she was not dying – and the hand that rolled at her feet and oh,
I just have to get out of this terrible dream. I’m so cold and my head hurts
so but my heart hurts even more because this is the person, you think is
worth saving – I’m freezing.

Gloria’s Helper