Gloria Rising pgs. 56-58

AUTOMATIC LETTER 44
Wednesday night

Dear Adam,

Thanks for gently turning us around, we were trapped – in an emotional
dead end – stuck in an emotional trap like a wild frightened animal,
with intense feelings of humiliation, shame, grief, anger, hate, helplessness, and hopelessness the little girl felt – she wanted to die. Emotions need to come
out but not bursting like a dam to drown us.
Now, I’m in a state of relaxation after having several nightmares – one
dream started out to be beautiful. I was with little Gloria and we were in
the children’s ward of a hospital when a nurse met us and led us down the
hall to what seemed an empty room – then we saw a basket like crib and the
nurse lifted a small baby wrapped in a blanket and she place the baby into
little Gloria’s arms. Gloria held the infant as if she were holding a great
treasure and tenderly touched its cheek – there was no separation between
her and the child – they were one – and her arms closed around it. She
looked at me as if unable to explain her feelings of bliss and joy – no words
were adequate for the sensations of that moment but I knew how joyful she
felt – the child was an object of love and he had a mission in life – to draw
out love and care, to make people gentle toward him – towards each other.
Little Gloria, sat in a rocker, and no sooner had the rocking commenced
than the baby’s eyes opened. The brown eyes looked straight at her and in
miraculous transformation melted in a conspiratorial smile as mouth tilted
and cheeks spread with new found happiness – gurgling the baby grabbed
little Gloria’s finger – she didn’t stand a chance. She fell in love with a little
baby and that baby knew it. It could be said that God was in that baby asking
to be loved because as Christ said, “Whatever you do to the least of my
little ones you do to me.” I felt very happy as I watched little Gloria rocking
that small bundle in her arms (knowing it was Joshua – her sister’s baby,
she could not resist – knowing he innocently had helped her love again) – if
I had known the nightmare that was to follow – well that’s another dream
and I’ll keep it separate from this one.

Same night – Wednesday

Hi again,
I’ll attempt to tell you of another dream we had tonight – it was
about Gloria but I knew I was dreaming it too. I found myself in an
almost featureless wilderness – a land of snow and ice. I lost Gloria that is one minute she was there – the next I was alone, scared, frightened
but strangely excited by the solitude and bleakness of my surroundings. I
sensed that some great secret lay just out of sight – I was a little upset too
because I felt if I discovered this secret, I’d be doing so at deadly peril –
snow swirled all around me – it became difficult to see ahead of me farther
than a few feet away – suddenly someone appeared out of the whiteness.
I didn’t recognize the person but the person seemed to know me – then
I could see that it was a man very tall and thin, and he held something
like a large circle in his hands and this circle had lines radiating from the
center of it like the spokes of a wheel. Then Gloria appeared next to him
and though she appeared like herself at first then I noticed that she had
a large single eye and her two little eyes besides – it was all very strange.
The man and Gloria beckoned that I was to follow them but I began to
feel numb and drowsy and I just let myself drop in the snow – something
was dragging me down. I heard Gloria yelling, “Wait – wait,” but a tiny
voice whispered, “This is where it ends and it doesn’t matter very much
after all,” and then the white snow turned gray and the gray turned to
black – then just as I was really beginning to relax I felt myself mysteriously
drawn up – pulled out by my wrists and I was a little girl again – too
little to understand but still I knew what was being said to me – that my
sister was down there and it was somehow my fault. The “Other” said so.
I knew I had done something terribly wrong and the sister had died and someone
was very angry at me – that was why he came into the room at night and the
blows would fall. I knew that someone had told me never to disobey again
or something terrible would happen – and I did disobey only once – what
happened? Something – terrible.
I’d better come out of this dream – something seems to be twisting
itself around my neck making it hard to breathe. I’m taking deep breathes
now (just like you told me to) and I’m okay. We’ll talk about it some other
time okay?
Gloria’s Helper