Gloria Rising pgs. 66-68

AUTOMATIC LETTER 51

Wednesday night

Dear Adam,
I’m in a relaxed, tranquil mood because I forced myself to visualize and
moved myself to picture someone walking across a field and in that scene I
didn’t recognize the person but I sensed he was a friend. As he came closer,
I saw he was a beautiful person because he lifted up his head and he called
out and ran toward me. His arms opened to receive me and it was a very comforting moment because it was Jesus and He told me He loved me.
Since then I’m in that silent, peaceful field and I know that someday Gloria
and I will have a peace centered heart and mind.
I’ve told you this because I want you to know that earlier tonight I was
as depressed as I thought a person could be. Then Gloria got a telephone call
from Taylor and believe me it was revealed to both of us what depression
really is like if a person doesn’t care to try to get help. I won’t go into the conversation
because it’s too personal about Taylor but no matter how many
times Gloria advised him to see a therapist or whoever could help him. She
got one reply, “Tell me you love me.” He’s seeing a Veteran’s doctor and
getting medication etc. but he has to wait another month before going to
see him again. He’ll never make it – anyway, after an hour’s talk – well I
don’t even want to say anymore on the subject of Taylor, it’s too discouraging
to hear a person who could get help and yet just lets himself go.
It did open our eyes to our own attitude though, because when Gloria
admitted to a depression well it was the same as when she tried to talk to
Taylor tonight and the memories of her husband’s depressions and the
years of hell that went with it – discouraged us more than we’ve ever been
discouraged in our life. This was before the discussion with Taylor.
Now, I’m remembering all you said that Gloria’s depression needn’t be
like her husband’s and I can guarantee you that it will never reach the point
that Taylor is in either because we won’t permit it too – most important of
all, we’re very lucky, we have you and we’re going to help you all the way. So
never mind how we act during our sessions, just know that we are going to
change whatever attitudes or whatever needs to be changed to get Gloria
well again. Any suggestions will be appreciated.

Hi again,
To get to tonight’s dream – it’s very vivid and I have no idea what it
means but I’ll tell you about it as fast as I can. Something happened to me in
this dream tonight. I became angry as soon as I saw Gloria coming toward
me because this time, there she was walking slowly toward me, with her three
eyes and (get this) an extra ear on the right side of her head – she was smiling and this made me even more angry and I said, “What’s with the extra ear, do
we need more trouble?” She just smiled and said, “The better to hear you
with, my dear,” and the eye is saying, “The better for you to see with my dear.”
I kept looking at her and she was getting shorter and smaller and I was
remembering our childhood. I was running like a wild animal set free from
a cage and actions of pictures were flashing in front of my eyes – I saw the
stabbing, the hurt, gasping noises – hate for someone grabbing long hair
pulling a head backward – flicking the ash of his cigarette, holding it close
to the throat – eyes wild with fear – and hate again as he gently touched
the glowing coal against tender skin a scream of pain and laughter – again
laughter and this time the laughing maniac slowly ground the cigarette
out on the mouth deliberately forcing it between clenched cracked lips –
a small chin quivers slightly as a parched tongue runs across blisters in
a feeble attempt to get rid of the ash and shreds of tobacco which clings
to them – again and again the head is held backwards – screams of fear –
throat making noises like sandpaper scraped over screen wire- grinded cigarettes
pressed against the neck over and over – screams of pain, terror till
someone faints from pain – is untied and slumps to the floor in the dirt and
cobwebs – curses – loud voices – kicking but no more screams. I hurried
over this because I’m afraid of the emotions I feel and besides I still remember
tonight how Gloria woke up saying, “I’m not afraid! I’m not afraid!”
There will be more dreams but they will be recalled – so don’t you give
up on us – thank you and God bless you for being here. Getting very tired
now so time to go back to Fun Dreamland and the Jolly Green Giant.

Gloria’s Helper