Gloria Rising pgs. 36-38

AUTOMATIC LETTER 29
Sunday night
Dear Adam,

Gloria is having nightmares again. As of tonight it is impossible to
put some of my feelings into words. For one thing, I’m starting to really feel and at the same time I feel drained because I’ve opened a door that
has been stuck shut for years and I’m dumbstruck at what I see when it’s
opened.
For years – something buried so deep inside – never sure what it is –
more dangerous than any shadow or ghosts. Ghosts had shape and names –
this has none – whatever lived inside was so potent that sometimes it
seemed like a terrible bomb – glimpses caught in school or on the way
home. The safe world falls away and I know that the little girl walking saw
things that no little girl should see – blood – shattered glasses – all kinds of
horrible things – destruction – people crashing to their deaths – no burials
just vanishing, so many dead people. I feel nothing – numbness has become
part of me.

Later

Hi,
It’s important that Gloria does not create a wall at this time – this is
why I’m here again. There are other things you must know about the child
(we spoke of) but I can’t go into it now. About the child – he has not lost
his eyes or his legs but his will and his taste for life.
Again, I’m seeing a picture of the child at ten – the parents show pictures
of relatives – some are dead. The parents do not tell the child that
they’re angry – the child feels it – it’s in the air in everything said and done
– but at the age of ten, what does one do with that. The child gets angry
because they are all dead and he can’t do anything about it. Most important
to this child is the parents that even though they don’t say they’ve suffered,
he senses they are fragile. The parents appear to be very strong people but
the child has to be gentle with them always because it has to be. The child
has no right to get angry with them because they’ve suffered enough. Even
more the child has to always be happy in order to make up for everything
that happened
The child was taught that the most terrible thing (to do) or to be is
being selfish. To put yourself first to the child is that of being happy at ten years old.  So the child was taught that he didn’t deserve to be happy even
if he was expected to be.
Another picture about the child – everyone in the family is dying –
death doesn’t scare this child – death is like a soft blanket – like being held
in someone’s arm. When the parents talk of death, it’s always as a place
where everyone will hold a reunion.
Other things you’ll have to know – here. I’ll have to use caution a little
more. I’ll await any suggestions you may have.

Gloria’s Helper

NOTE:
Gloria’s Helper and I were walking a tightrope as if high above the
breathtaking and lethal Niagara Falls. A delicate balancing act to avoid
a disastrous slip that would send Gloria hurdling back into the abyss of
dissociation and amnesia. Gloria’s Helper understood we had to proceed
slowly to avoid Gloria panicking and regressing behind a wall of detached
numbness, where her progress would be dashed. It would be a terrible
setback that would close her off to us and cause her to resist our help. She
needed time to absorb the mounting shock of reality and time to rest to
gather emotional strength to face her childhood trauma.